I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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