You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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