he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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