I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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