I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
