I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
