Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize