and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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