Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
