In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize