sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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