But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize