On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
