so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
