Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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