every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
