i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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