There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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