I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize