he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
