Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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