The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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