hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
