Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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