I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize