Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
