but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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