It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
