How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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