for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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