at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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