morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
