matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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