just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
