if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
