i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
