Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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