i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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