I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
