Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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