I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
