My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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