god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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