I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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