I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
