So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
