I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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