My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
