it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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