Porn is love you can see.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
