at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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