Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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