i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
NoShamevember. You game?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize