I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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