yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
