filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
