no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize