Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
