I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
