So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
