3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
