I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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