we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
