Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
