i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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