you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
