we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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