Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
