dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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