I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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