Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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