It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Houston, we have a squirter
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
