Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
