i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
