A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
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