I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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