You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
