The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
