lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
