At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
