Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
