roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
