I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
