I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize