he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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