The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
