I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
