Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize