I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
