You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize