I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
