there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
