is your mom at the bar?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize